I’m a different person.

RETURN to the inSIDER

Reflecting on all the changes that COVID has brought and forced us to adapt to, I realize it’s been a hell of a year. I hope that you can relate to a lot of concepts and emotions in this piece, and know that who you are right now is a product of your endurance. Happy one-year COVID anniversary!

I’m a different person.

I remember the news headlines, and the lines outside the COVID testing centers growing.
The snow melting into the dirt below; as the feeling of loneliness took its place covering the Earth.
“They couldn’t possibly be thinking that COVID will still be around by the Fall, right?”

I’m a different person.

I moved back home as I watched the campus turn grey with cobwebs.
I scrolled through plane tickets, thinking it would be a good time to travel since it was cheap.
“Dad, did Grandma’s COVID test come back negative?”

I’m a different person.

I forgot was it was like to see the emotion from a stranger’s smile quicker than I’d like to admit.
My room was the only place I felt the love from my friends, as I watched their face through a screen.
“Hey, how are you really doing? Are you okay?”

I’m a different person.

My hometown movie theater replaced its movie headlines with the words, “we will get through this”.
But I wasn’t so sure of its truth, because I had seen people lose their lives from the strike of COVID or the rage of depression within a month.
“I just feel like this will never end, Mom.”

I’m a different person.

It’s almost too easy to watch yourself slip into the person who you didn’t think you were.
A representation of myself now, a person who had to completely uproot their life to maintain sanity. To maintain purpose and move forward.
“Hey. I’ve decided to leave Minnesota.”

I’m a different person.

I think we’re all feeling a bit lost. A bit plagued by a cycle that we cannot escape.
But the growth that I have endured because of it outweighs the things that I miss.
“We are all in this together.”

I’m a different person.

We’ve made it through the quarantines, the lockdowns, the Zoom calls.
We made it through losing touch with some of our loved ones, and building new relationships through unconventional ways.
“I can’t wait until I can hug you in person.”

I’m a different person.

I’m a person that I’m proud of, and who I’m glad I got to know. I think I’m who I always wanted to be.
We would never appreciate mountains without valleys, or rain without flowers. 
“Nothing worth having is easily obtained.”

I’m a different person.

RETURN to the inSIDER

Kara Allen is a CSU Public Relations Assistant and is currently a Senior studying Communications at Minnesota State Mankato. Kara is from Grand Rapids, MN and has grown up loving to write in her free time; finding the hidden idiosyncrasies within herself through the writing. She plans on pursuing a career in Public Affairs for the U.S. Army and continuing on with writing for enjoyment. 

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