I wrote this piece while feeling fear myself. I was raised to be fearless, and be courageous. However, I find that the older I get, my fear still stands with me. I may not be afraid of the dark, but I find myself afraid of things that are completely out of my control. I feel fear often, and I feel it heavily. I question, “is fear a choice?” and, is it all that bad?

I’ve heard a time or two that “fear is a choice.” 
My mind races to moments that I felt time stop and my heart start pounding. 

Being six years old, and my sister moving out of the room that we had shared.
The closet in the corner of the room was taller and darker than I had remembered. 
The pile of unfolded laundry resembled a tall, shadowy figure
And if I was quiet enough, I swear that I could hear a breath coming from its mouth.

I’m not sure if I believe that fear is a choice. 
Because there have been times I tried really, really hard to be brave and still failed. 

A family squished into a Honda Pilot, trying to outrun the incoming storm.
A single leaf floating across the curve of the road, leading us to a questionable decision.
Hail and lightning and trees tried their best to find us in that silver car. 
There was no escape from the madness, except to move forward. 

I would like to believe that fear is a choice. 
Because I think that fact would make the inner demon’s screams a little quieter. 

A lump in the back of my throat as I called my mom to tell her that I messed up.
Again, and again, and again.
Wondering if I have already heard the last time she would say, “I’m proud of you”.
Clasping my hands together as I watch her walk towards me in love. 

I don’t think that fear is just a choice.
I think it is a reaction. One that can often save us. 

I watched my dog’s ears perk up as she tightened the slack on her leash.
The whites of her eyes were vibrant, the slight quiver of her lip evident. 
I looked behind me on that trail to follow her eyes, and saw the figure behind me. 
With adrenaline coursing through my veins, my dog and I lost him in those woods. 

Maybe fear is a choice. Maybe it is within our control.
Maybe we take fear for granted, and maybe we despise it with every inch of our body. 

Fear ebbs and flows. There are no two feelings of fear alike. 
We listen to it, we change our mindsets from it. 
Whether it’s wondering why your sister won’t pick up the phone, or turbulence on a plane,
I know that fear is ingrained in me. 

Being fearless doesn’t mean anything. It’s having fear and overcoming it. 
Fearing things that we can’t control is pointless. If you have fear, fear something you can control.
Maybe fear is a choice. But choose what you fear. 

Kara Allen is a CSU Public Relations Assistant and is currently a Senior studying Communications at Minnesota State Mankato. Kara is from Grand Rapids, MN and has grown up loving to write in her free time; finding the hidden idiosyncrasies within herself through the writing. She plans on pursuing a career in Public Affairs for the U.S. Army and continuing on with writing for enjoyment.